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PREMIUM — SEC Cracks Down on USD

WASHINGTON — SEC Gary Gensler is cracking down on the US Dollar. Gensler stated in a recent press conference that the “so-called USD” is a danger to...

#premium#article#web3#crypto#news#satire
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Charles Hoskinson Has Been Hiding the Cardano Whitepaper in My Backyard for Years and I’m Getting Sick of it

BOULDER — For the last seven years, Cardano founder Charles Hoskinson has been sneaking into my backyard, between midnight and 4 a.m., and hiding the Cardano whitepaper, and I’m getting sick of it.

#article#web3#comedy#satire#crypto
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NEWSLETTER — Scammers Wait Patiently For Next Bull Market

As scammers wait patiently for the next bull market to begin, Permissionless attendees also wait patiently in line to be given access Permissionless, to meet amazing folk like Kevin Owocki, who unfortunately...

#newsletter#web3#crypto#satire#comedy#news
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SBF Sells Fake Shanks For Extra Vegetables at Lunch

Sam Bankman-Fried's recent incarceration has limited the amount of scams available to the young entrepreneur. Bankman-Fried arrived in prison smirking, causing many inmates to think he's delusional. Turns out he was just motivated.

#article#web3#satire#cypto#comedy
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Tucker Carlson and Scooby-Doo Expose the ‘Real’ Origin of Dogecoin

Venerable investigator Scooby Doo and his lesser-known apprentice, Tucker Carlson, announced Friday the results of their investigation into the origin of dogecoin.

#article#web3#satire#comedy#crypto
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PREMIUM — Elon Musk Buys 6.9% Stake in The Rug

PALO ALTO — Renowned tech magnate Elon Musk has acquired a substantial 6.9% stake in our esteemed newspaper, solidifying his presence as a significan...

#article#crypto#web3#satire#comedy#premium
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NEWSLETTER — SBF Sent to Jail for Punchable Face Violation

Great news! The Rug shipped Vol. III Issue #1 of our flagship NFT. We even spun up a new contract on Manifold because we believe in boating accidents. Also, have you heard about this new blockchain that's somehow different from others?

#newsletter
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NEWSLETTER — Mom Thinks It’s Nice That You Do That Computer Money Stuff

Dear World Coin Currency Organs, It's almost as if we can feel the bear rustling itself out of slumber. Is it even possible, another meme-coin scammer filled, adrenaline rushed bull market? Unfortunately...

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NEWSLETTER — BlackRock Buys Majority Stake in You

Fink's cool factor spiked 300% after announcing the BlackRock Bitcoin ETF application, in a move to support decentralized finance Michael Saylor bought all of the remaining bitcoins, and blockchain bros are trying to get the attention of females now hanging around with AI guys.

#newsletter
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NEWSLETTER —This Missing Sub Thing Somehow Crypto's Fault

Apple want's 30% of your eyeball, Metamask AI checks your spelling on all signatures, and Binance aquires the SEC...

#newsletter